Jessica J. Allen, The Bed of Solid Olive.

Characters for skit

Introduction

Dr. Evans:

It was during my first few years teaching a college level Greek and Roman literature class that I first met Jessica Allen now the foremost director of literary classics.  For her group’s final project she rewrote a chapter of The Odyssey in pentameter and directed the skit that resulted.   The following is the film that started a fine career and became a review for my class.   Here is The Bed of Solid Olive directed and written by Jessica Jo Allen.

The Video

Focus on a small empty stage.

Narrator:

As some of you know I’m Jess.  Jess jumps in front of camera. This is Terry, Nicki, Nick, John, and Jen our players.  Camera zooms to each person.  I will narrate this shindig and somehow manage the cam directing.  We were assigned Fagle’s Chapter 23 of The Great Rooted Bed.  This is an adaptation.

Jen and Nick:

That Jess wrote!

Narrator:

This is a modest adaptation for your viewing pleasure. The Bed of Solid Olive.

The Skit

Odysseus, King of Ithaca, home.
Ten years now, since captured Troy, overseas.

Zoom into Odysseus.  Odysseus is in raggedy holey shirt and jeans looking very weather beaten and drab.  Whiskers the whole works.  Exit Odysseus.

Nestor, Menelaus, Agamemnon,
All home to their kingdoms and well, save one.

Enter Nestor, Menelaus, Agamemnon, Achaean warriors/kings standing proudly.  Enter Aegis and Clytemnestra seeking behind Agamemnon, the biggest of first three and pull him down.  Exit warriors.  Aegis and Clytemnestra take throne.  Fade out.  Camera turns to narrator.

Note to self: Clytemnestra is a bitch.
Aggie’s cuz now the King of Mycenae.

Camera turns back to a scene of Odysseus leading Phaeacians, extras dressed in shimmery green sequins tops and dark blue shine jeans dragging treasures to shore.  Phaeacians leave Odysseus alone and board their ship.  A mist rises up.

Despite the sea god’s hunger, our hero
Trudges with Phaeacians along home-shore.

Odysseus walking in mist meets up with Athena dressed as a shepherd boy,dressed in overalls and flannel shirt.  Boy acts like he is talking of events past and Odysseus looks shocked and surprised.  Then boy, probably saying “This is Ithaca silly.”  Odysseus looks at boy like, “Wow you are crazy.”  Waves his hand, brushing the boy off and starts to walk away.  Boy runs in front of him and turns into Athena, dressed in nice black outfit.  Odysseus stands amazed but shakes his head to continue to walk on.  Athena again runs in front of him and changes him to an old beggar with even holier clothing very mismatched, and gray whiskers and hair.

To trick the suitors, Athena changes
Our dashing, devious, daring daughter
To a dusted, raggedy, old deadbeat

Camera turns to narrator.

With third-rate fashion and lack of manner.

Two swineherds, dressed similar to Odysseus with motley like garments but no holes, enter with Telemachus, the prince, in dark colored suit, to a banquet hall and protect Odysseus from suitors, extras, that start throwing food at him dressed in preppy clothing, nice jeans and American Eagles tops.  Fade out.

Faithful swineherds and glorious son aid
By hiding Master’s truth with cheating lies.

Fade in.  Suitors pigging out on Doritos, chips and salsas, big legs of turkey meat, and pumpkin pie, like a Thanksgiving feast during a football game.  Food is flying everywhere.  Zoom on Odysseus watching each of the suitors with eyes of vengeance.  Fade suitors and background slightly still allowing movement to be distinguished. For each object that falls Odysseus grimaces.

The meat lapped up by a hundred sponges;
The king’s tactics come alive to his front,
Begging food from fools blind to death watching

Narrator joins scene.  Narrator whispers line.  Fade out.

And wanting of traits far beyond their fare.

Fade in.  Zoom on suitors lying on previous scene’s floor covered in their ketchup blood.  Fade out.

The motley slain beyond great thought of pain;
Ithaca’s monarch the spotlight reclaimed.

Fade in to nurse telling Penelope a story in small frame with “instant reply” of battle in large frame. Odysseus uses bow to shoot through holes in helm of axes lined up on ground.  Then starts a battle with suitors, shooting them with arrows.  Use a Nerf bow and arrow set.  Swineherds and Telemachus cheer Odysseus on.

Eurycleia, all knowing nurse, recounts
Master’s sponge bath of suitor blood to P.

Follow Penelope running down a grand staircase through a large hall in disbelief to find the beggar overcoming suitors and seeing the bloody hall.  Zoom Penelope’s gazing face.  Zoom Odysseus.  Odysseus looks up meets Penelope’s gaze.  Zoom out to include couple moving toward each other. 

With disbelief Penelope runs down
Grand halls to meet her man back from the dead.

Penelope eyes Odysseus up and down.  Telemachus moves toward them and scowls at his mother.  Odysseus glares at him and Telemachus exits.  Eurycleia enters out of breath. 

And though she know the yielder of the bow
Is hers, she tests his wit and memory.

Odysseus’s beard is falling off, hair becoming its natural shade.  Zoom on Penelope as she smirks telling the nurse her orders with a hint of sarcasm.

Penelope:

Dear nurse to our bridal chamber go now
And fix the lanterns to light a great glow;
Then move the bed toward this radiant light,
Fresh’ng the covers with lily extract.

Zoom on Odysseus acting as though he is pulling his hair out.  Face turns red. 

Narrator:

Stunned Odysseus bites back with retort,

Camera turns to narrator.

And a whine equal to no Trojan mead.

Angry, he recites his words.

Odysseus:

Mad woman, witch, evil Queen of Deceit!
How dare my wife beguile me to share
Our sacred truth known only by Actor’s

Camera moves toward a side scene showing a huge bedroom door with servant guarding and peeping in keyhole.  Odysseus’s voice in background telling story.  Camera cheesy wave dissolve to a flashback of a younger Odysseus building his home, and the bed.  Stands proud in front of bed with hands on his hips. 

These hands hath made this home of ours alone,
Around a huge hundred-year olive tree.
I placed the wall of our shared bedchamber,
I chopped down the tree and carved out the stump.
I shaped our bed from that very anchor.

Camera zooms to Zeus dressed in black as he struggles with full might to lift bed.  Zeus tries lightning, thunder, the works but cannot move it.  Shrugs shoulders and exits.  Zoom to a smirking Odysseus.

Not even Zeus himself with strength of the
Heavens could move that nest a deciounce!

Camera back to couple.  Penelope looks into Odysseus’s eyes and touches his face.  Odysseus noticeably relaxes. 

Narrator:

Penelope’s eye mused a little space.

Sudden change of scene.  Focus a knight  gazing over a dead women in a boat.  The voice of a deep Shakespearean actor repeats “mused a little space.”  Camera turns to narrator with megaphone and beret on.

Hey Lance!  Get your dead lady off our set!!!

Camera back to knight and lady.  Lady rises and she and Lancelot exit.  Camera back to Achaean couple.

Her glittered face spoke wise and calming words.

Zoom Penelope.

Penelope:

Please dear husband, don’t flare up now, not you,
The most understanding lover alive!

Fade Penelope and background.  Zoom Odysseus.  Odysseus puts hand on chin in contemplation. 

Narrator:

He thought for a moment of leaving her be.
Her, his shrewd, stunning, sarcastic partner.

Odysseus shakes his head and looks up as if in prayer to gods.

Where was a life of adventure and sun?

Zoom Odysseus’s head in lower left corner.  Balloon appears from Odysseus’s head showing flashback.  Show Calypso, Princess Narcissca, and Circe.  All are beautiful women in elegant sexy red dresses.  Fade out in balloon.

A place of precarious mishapp’ngs?

Zoom Odysseus on prow of ship looking out to sea arms spread out catching wind in face, like on Cameron’s Titanic.  Balloon disappears.  Focus body length Odysseus.

This troublesome creature wanted only
To be, back upon the sea wandering
With ship and crew on the way homeward bound.

Odysseus looks into camera, nods in agreement.

And now here he be standing, his home found.

Unfreeze Penelope.  Penelope A-hems waking Odysseus from daydream.  Focus on couple background remains faded.  Zoom Penelope’s foot.

His beautiful wife was tapping her foot.

Zoom a frustrated Penelope’s face.

A sign of her patience running life short.

And so, Odysseus eyes Penelope up and down as she did him earlier.  Grins ear to ear.

Odysseus:

What the Hades do I care now?
I’m lost, I’m found, and we will fool around,
As I execute the Calypso Curse
And Circe’s Challenge, my sensual thirsts.

Follow couple running to bedroom.  Couple shuts door in face.  Camera watches through keyhole.  Fade out.  Fade in big Athena sitting on sun holding it down.  Fade out.

Narrator:

And so extended night, Athena’s treat
Gave to the couple time to make love sweet.

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