Kubler-Ross Sequence of Emotions
It is a big help to be prepared for the cascade of strong
feelings identified by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, in the book On Death and
Dying. She identified the series of emotions that usually follows
information that one is dying, as when the doctor tells you about yourself.
Subsequent work found that with those struggling with alcohol or other
dependencies go through approximately the same sequence of emotional states.
It seems likely that these stages fit with other sorts of emotional shocks.
Here are the typical stages. They are not necessarily
experienced in this order, and it is not unusual for people to vacillate
between the various stages.
-
Denial - "Oh, no! Not me! There must be
some mistake! Surely you don't mean that I am like that!"
-
Anger - "What an atrocious thing to say! I am deeply
offended."
-
Bargaining - "If you won't bring this up again, I will never
again mention..."
-
Depression - "All right! It is true! I am like that.
I am a truly rotten person. Everything is terrible and the worst
of it is that things are only going to get worse."
-
Acceptance - Realization that the complaint or accusation
is true: I am getting hooked on alcohol, I am playing favorites with one
student...
The most valuable aspect of the Kubler-Ross sequence is that
it increases our awareness that a given emotional state may be both temporary
and healthful, even if if looks counterproductive.