What's a Perfectionist, Anyway?

Maybe you have heard that sometimes gifted kids are perfectionists. What does that mean?

Here's an example. One young girl copied and recopied her book report four times because she didn't think the letters of her cursive handwriting were even enough. When she looked at her report, the letters seemed uneven and she didn't like the way they looked on the page. They weren't neat enough. She only stopped recopying the book report because her mother told her it looked fine and she should do something outside now. What she didn't realize was that her teacher didn't care if the letters were perfectly even, because they were very good and that was fine. This young girl, however, needed to have her letters perfect and worried if her page didn't look just right. She was a perfectionist. How do I know this happened? I was that young girl and I did this in the 5th grade.

I spent way too much time on something that didn't really matter. I didn't realize no one else would care about perfectly even letters, because I cared about them a lot. I could have spent my time on something else - like having fun.

It's OK to be a little bit of a perfectionist because that helps you to do a good job in school and with other things. It's not OK to be a perfectionist in everything you do because you spend a lot of time worrying about things that don't matter to other people.

What if you make a mistake? What if you answer a question wrong? What if your letters are a little uneven? Nothing really bad will happen. You will learn from your mistake. Everyone answers a question wrong sometimes. Your letters will be a little uneven, but still very good.

If you think you are a little too much of a perfectionist, ask your parents or school counselor about ways to change this personality trait. Other kids have to work on things about their personalities like learning to be sensitive to other people's feelings or learning to be friendly. You may have to work on this about your personality. You may have to learn how to let your letters be a little uneven.

There is a book entitled, "What's Bad About Being Too Good?" you may want to read. This book is listed on the "Helpful Books" section of this website. It will answer questions about why people become perfectionists, what it does to your mind and body, and how to work on modifying this personality trait so you're only a little bit perfectionistic.

By the way, sometimes kids become perfectionists because their parents are perfectionists. Imagine that. You might be like your parents! If you think this is the case, you might try asking them to read, "Freeing Our Families from Perfectionism." This book is also listed on the "Helpful Books" section of this website.